i was thinking my exam paper for my whole evening
especially my sej..
it was a terrible nightmare...
very very very bad...
it's a trully a bad response for me...
as i've no dis feeling b4...
especially during my very very big test...
i juz...merely dunno how to answer those question...
shi bai....
indeed, i hv no study very very well...
i think i will fail my sej...
haiz.........
i try to pretend happy for yesterday night,
but my heart wanted to cry very hard indeed...
i think i will retake my sej paper next year...
i hate to b like this!
=============================================
i've recalled sth very very bad u noe...
i've rmbed the conversation wif my dad....
it's quite a long time till now....
me :could i exchange my gab for my spm 10 A's result?
dad :so wat u want?
me :erm...i dun want laptop...but i still want my W595 lar...
dad :y u dun want laptop?so, wat's ur request?
me :erm........(i juz simply duno how to convey...but at laz i told him...)
i juz want to own an oboe.
dad :oboe?!wat's tat?
me :it's a clarinet families' instrument.
dad :ooo, y u want an aboe instead of sax?aren't u learning sax?
me :cuz...wat i want to take for my music course nid a classical instrument...they nid nt a modern instrument like sax.
dad :u said bout musiccourse????u shall noe tat, i will nt buy u a myvi when u going to universiti!
me :.................(totally silent, as i've known he willsay this)
tat's the conversation really hurt me indeed...
i think...
i've totally lost my aim...for suddenly...
such a long time i try to forgt this conversation...
juz....i felt very very heart broken....
as...my dream has suddenly disappeared.
no more music.
ya,no more...so, i've promised myself nt to take my piano gd8 exam...
bcuz i dun want to give me any reason to continue this pathway
as my dad dun want me to choose tat pathway...
indeed...they've "forced" me once to take my piano gd7 exam...
i've really given me an aim to gt 10 A1...
juz to let me have a chance to continue pathway wif the aid of ucsi's scholarships.
but...
after tat talk...
i've really given up.
i refuse to study to gt 10 A1...
i hv no reason to force myself to study ad...sice tat day till now...
no wonder i've no mood to study now...
bcuz i've nt found my aim..
when i look others...
they forced themselves to study..
bcuz they nid to study at colledge.
me?haha...i juz depend n c...
it's such a....
ya, lazy n moody person's decision.
i admit it.
cuz i knew...i will nt going to hv any gud results.
indeed, i hpe to gt a good result.
but, no more now.
ya...juz forget it...
no more music...
=====================================
i begged myself to study.
but i've spent my time to sleep n watch anime.
i juz found tat...
i've really lost myself.
nt merely lost.
i'm in a maze now.
sb, pls do try to help me.
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