Xx...初心...xX

原来好多事情，
展展转转还是回到了原点。

Xx....当愧疚与工作交叉时...xX

当我想起你
我的心
都是满满的愧疚感
只因
我又把所有的责任推在你身上
决定了
booklet 由我全权负责
对不起
又是我的懦弱
我的不坚强
让你承担了那么多

==========

我总是回忆着好多我们的东西
喜欢你的这一年
看到了你的坚强
看到了你的好玩
看到了你的认真
被你骂过
被你酸过
被你鼓励过

你可知道
那一天
你的那一封在2点多
send过来的信息
apartment stay gud job
对我而言
真的是一个很大很大的鼓励
你知道吗

我不知道你知不知道

但是
真的像之前我留言给你的
apartment stay...
你真的是我的动力

虽然做的很糟糕
但是
我真的用过我的心思了

=========

没有看到你的车
我的心慌了
真的
那种慌了的心。。。
我真的只想看看你的车
看看最近的你

知道你很忙
想给你送咖啡？
想给你送些吃的？
不用吧
你不用这些吧？

========

我真的
哭了

因为你那么的努力

而我呢？

我就浪费了我的时光
想回你的一切
就觉得自己
好没有用

对不起

我彻彻底底的
变成没用的人

============================================

Xx...the cruelty...xX

felt lonely and helpless.

what does it mean by 

this was ur option? 

and you nid to bare all the things 

just because it is a must.

==========

silently sit at the corner,

and listen to what they talk

the feeling

can ppl just help me to apply some medicine on my heart now?

i felt hurt

i felt helpless

i felt lonely

and i dislike this type of ppl to appear in my life.

i hate dis sort of situation

seriously,

do u think i m the one who wants to run this event?

seriously,

do u think it's my freedom to say no to the thing we dun want to do?

seriously,

do u think it's the matter should let a person who had sleepless night 

for everything,

especially the junior and the future thing?

do you really think all of the things?

do u really understand me?

I dun mind if i am going to bare all of the things

but thanks

to let me see ur true colour, 

especially that words.

why should i help?

and

you decided to join so many activities.

Thanks.

and i felt sorry to your family

to have this sort of selfish personalities in you

and nvr think from other's perspective 

BUT ONLY FOR YOURSELF>

seriously,

enough of this and thanks for hurting anyway.

=================

Apartment stay!

tml is apartment stay!

the feeling! the excited feeling and the feeling which it is going off soon!

that kind of feeling boosted me up! =D

we can settle it soon

o yay!

and no rain PLEASE!

Xx...Apartment Stay?...grief...disappointment?...xX

Everything seems to be smooth while planning
but ppl doubted on the last thing.
we duno what are we going to face next
and we duno what ppl are going to comment

seriously we have our own reasons.

seriously

I am not the person who always self defending
I am not the person who always saying myself is correct
I am not an overconfident person

everything seems to be alright at first
and everything went wrong at last
The motivation
really
I need it

The feeling
we must do it.

do it the best i think.

=)

Thanks for my parents who supported me always.
Thanks for my team for tolerating me
Thanks for my senior who pointed out all of the mistakes

===============

Enough of emoing and crying
no more crying
tough.
and no more emotionally unstable

Xx...喜欢的是...xX

Graduation finally ended...
=D
and he graduated and continued his part 2.
God bless for his studies in architecture.
My wishes are always at here boss =D

===============

The feeling of mine when looking the seniors graduated
while I was playing for Convo.
The feeling when I saw most of them walk up the stage
to receive the scroll. =D
Especially the HBPians.
I guessed mixed feeling was the only thing...
as happy in graduating, no more studio;
sad, cuz will nvr meet the friends and juniors,
mature, cuz going to see the society in real life.
If I was one of it, I guess, I will be crying.
The first thing,
will think of how I past thru every moment in these years.
The second thing,
How did I struggle for every single project when it comes to the situation
which u must choose one within jazz band, activities and studio work,
The third thing,
How did I survive in the third year under a very good lecturer...
So many sweet things to be remembered...
and so many things to struggle of.
You meet FACES in this mini society.
and also, you meet griefs...
however...
You are still proud of yourself cuz you did your best in these years
and you see relevance.
struggle for a best result and
STRIVE for the best! ALWAYS and it's a MUST!
I told myself starts from now onwards.
GOLD MEDAL and BOOK PRICE!
I nvr thought of it when I was in secondary school
but, I should tell this to myself now.

=============

昨天，看着你毕业，
昨天，陪着你拍照，
昨天，帮你提礼物，
昨天，和你们合照......
这些，都是我开心的回忆。
我很喜欢在你左右
帮你提着东西，
我很喜欢在你左右
看着你笑
我很喜欢在你左右
偷偷的看着你
我更喜欢，
跟你独处时
所说的一切。

现在是senior帮，以后是到你帮junior了。

这句话，
真的是一个动力。
走下去的理由。

谢谢你的一句话，
提醒了我那么多次
要撑下去
就算有太多的笑脸和黑脸要做
甚至白眼
也得撑下去。

好多好多话，
都不知怎么继续说
都不知怎么说
才可以把所有的喜欢
所有的理由
一一的比下去
很开心的说
你会回来！=D
开心哦！
我等你回来练习！

================

我喜欢的是
和你在一起的时光
我喜欢的是
你那成熟的眼光
我喜欢的是
你那和朋友一起很疯狂的你
我喜欢的是
你那个眼神=)
你的一切，
都是我喜欢的事
不知道如果
我开始不喜欢你了
我的心
会怎么样

Xx...大二生活...xX

大二的生活，
真的是比自己想象的来得忙，
来得快，
来得无所适从。

===========

在这短短的期间，
做了什么？
感慨了什么？
真的好多好多，
在理大的两个星期
就像
两个月

==========

乐队篇

自卑的心理
一涌而出
这一涌，
看到了以前的自己
信心到底装满了多少

现在的我
什么都不是
吹也吹不好
自信心全无

可是，
我真的很庆幸，
我在乐队里
更加认识了
你们这一群
38婆
你们这一群
学兄姐
你们这一群
姐妹

我真的很希望
我们能够
在一起
为我们的演奏会
撑下去

想起在麦当劳吹水，
在1.1打打闹闹
在mamak档吹水。。。
喜欢和你们在一起，
把所有的事情说一遍

其实，
好多好多的事情，
让我想起
为什么我会把你当男神看待。

=============

学业篇

第一天，
功课加上书本
再加上
责任
突然间，
肩膀好沉
我可不喜欢这种感觉。
我不喜欢抱怨，
但是又不喜欢现在的科系

那份不平衡的感觉回来了。

我不喜欢在鬼早回的日子
不是学业上的问题
而是人事物的问题
要不是人事物，
也许现在的我
还是以前的我。

在开会的时候，
我开始去想有的没的
是我的问题
还是你的问题？
是我的问题
还是因为我不再在乎的问题？
是我的问题
还是不被信任的问题？
太多问题，
所以，
什么都不理会。
觉得他们都好奇怪
我只好沉默了。

＝＝＝

活动开始忙碌，
但是我不想没有生活。

＝＝＝＝＝＝

希望这个讲师的出现，
把我变形了

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

我可以很冷静
也可以很疯癫。

好吧，
只限制于乐团里～

＝＝＝＝＝

Xx...假期的第七天xx心情...xX

今天，有点灰
见了米粉
见了灵达
心里豁达点
但是
我知道
我想你。

Xx...the moment...xX

this happiness
deep inside my heart i noe.
*ily* to meet u though =)
hahaha.
dis is me. =)

nvr thought of meeting u at tat area
nvr thought of eating at the same restaurant with u though
nvr thought of too many things.

the joyness is just exploded *^v^*

It's missing time i guess, 

nearly 2am and definitely you are still awake 

and rushing ur project.

It sounds so stressed and I wanna to visit you right after my exam,

is it possible? =(

I really wanna to have a look on you.

Is just because you are bz enuf 

and I made myself not to disturb u anymore.

we see the map and visualize the world while studying history,
it made you curious what's world about. =)
so, what's ur next step?
here we go. the test== titas. omg.
it would be much better if it's not studied for the sake of passing the exam T^T

Xx...midnight...sorrow....missing u deep inside my heart...xX

it's 2 now, ok,
normal time for both of us.
we nvr sleep that early as we know.
after taking glance on the status from fb,
started to try...
accompany you?
i mean
i made myself to study at this time as well.
=) cuz i noe,
u r still working very very hard...
inside studio or room
nvr let yourself to deserve a good sleep.
I think tat's y,
ur hardworking & seriousness made me believed that
you are charmful enuf.
i guess.
=)

it's kinda sad that i'm doing such silly thing by one sided only,
but,
the feeling deep inside my heart is just not bad.
=) i noe,
i'm missing u, thru my work.
but den
i wasted 1 hour to fb ='(
i guess you r not that type.

haha.
trying my best to change nowadays. =)
lesser fb i guess.
not addicted to it i guess
n lesser chit chat with ppl i guess?
hard.
but must try =)

*ucandoitialwaysbelievethis*

Xx...wishing u all the best...xX

I duno how to comfort you neither how to convince you,
but you have to take care of yourself.
I guess you skipped meal and had a few nightmares within this week
I do hope that I could help out,
but i think there is no way to let you to see me from your hectic life i guess.

*allthebesttouthoughyoumaynotabletohearmywish*

Xx...regret?!...xX

I declared myself as Physics student and yet I couldn't score for this paper.
HOW STUPID AM I?

I'm now really feeling down and emo.
it's not bcuz merely of duno how to answer the questions
but also a lot of issues.

I blamed myself
that I could't b concentrate while studying
I angry myself
that I missed the one I shouldn;t
I was grief toward myself
that I did last minute work
I even looked down at myself.
I declare me myself as 5 subs students.
and where is the proud I had?

I just couldn't forgive myself.
I just can't
pls.

I nid to be a better girl.
I nid to
and it's a MUST
please, yun
this time, at least make ur 252 is a better subject to score?

pls, make urself back
proud girl
that nvr let ppl & challenges defeat u.
it's just surrounding =)

Xx...shouted....xX

in fact, the moment when anyone really nid encouragement,
we nid to give them
i found myself to b so coward to say out,
what i really want
and what i really wanted to be.
so many negative changes
that made me even couldn't recognize myself =(

sleepy.....
but haven finished studying.

Xx...missed again...xX

........

....................

..............................

can i just be silent and demand myself to meet u one day again in future?

i wonder when is the last day 

n last date 

n oso last time i met u.

studio?

which studio?

qs studio, 

with a unknown guitar. 

=( 

who noes.

i missed u.

ur saxo n guitar n oso piano.

.........

.................

............................

there are always some songs which motivate you and made you think of future.
<3 nbsp="" p="">i missed this song u played in accompaniment score.
n i visualize and immagine.
the time we can gather at the room and speak softly like a month ago
and tell u tonnes of stories.
which made me so emo
and can't come out at all.
=)
i missed u,
officially one.

theheartbelongstou

Xx.. shout out!...xX

i nid to shout out
i'm really demotivated now.
i nid to shout out as loud as possible.
i nid to yell
omg!
this is the very first time that i'm facing physics in such situation
nvr had dis sort of fear b4 and oso nvr had dis sort of mind b4.
i m so emo now!

haizs.
i nid more energizer.
i nid more motivation,
=) nvr min,
i still hv dis motivation,
songs.
haizs.
i nid more though.
greedy girl =P

dis is the moment that i noe it should be connected into sentences.
I'm tryin my best to convert the sentences into eng lel haha
indeed, i prefer mother tounge
hey people.
step out from your comfort zone.
it's a past now,
your comfort zone now is the demotivated state.
energize yourself at this moment,
study hard!

I need to be more hardworking today.
=)
fight spirit, on.
=D

To do list
1.) finish jotting down Dr C's note,
2.) finish jotting down Dr H's note
3.) finish jotting down Dr N's note.
within this morning, no more lazy.

afternoon
can b doing 2/3 den
do PYQ starts from 3/4pm

den night =)
discuss with ppl and memorize =)
go studio den. =)

all the best to myself.

把思念。化成努力的来源。

先休息，

再努力。